


Goodbye

by PenMasterShepard



Series: Welcome to Life [4]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 17:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16100561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenMasterShepard/pseuds/PenMasterShepard
Summary: Until we meet again.





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is for you. You know who you are.  
> A thousand years. Until the day I die.

The years had passed.

_Where do you think you’re going?_

_Slow down._

_It’s not your time; you’ve never quit in all your life…_

_A thousand years, Liara. Until the day you die._

_Don’t leave._

 

The years had passed too quickly.

Red hair had faded to white. Laugh lines had gotten deeper. Her muscles long and lean as always, her hands still strong, even when her body betrayed her. Even when Liara had known in her heart that Shepard was going to break that promise of old so soon.

  _Don’t leave me here alone._

Saw it in Aria’s ancient eyes as well.

_“She’s leaving us.”_

_“I know.”_

 

_Come back to me Jane Shepard._

 

_Had kissed her, over and over, the tightness in her throat of un-spilt tears choking her._

_Had laughed with her and cried with her and made love to her, softly, so many times in those weeks._

_Watched her grow tired._

_Felt the rise and fall of her chest stop._

_Had held her hand until it had grown cold. Memorized every freckle and remembered them dancing over piano keys and her body._

_Remembered their first kiss. Their first dance. Their first child._

_Had sobbed into her side, not wanting to rise and leave the bed and make it real._

_Don’t leave me._

_Come back to me Jane Shepard._

A sunny fall day, the wind blowing the hem of her skirt. The little ones running in and out of-

-Rows and rows of those white stone, identical in their form, only their inscriptions different-graves marked-

\- marked for her since time out of mind. Military men and women at attention – so familiar, so wrong – their guns-

-and flags and so much white and blue.

So much black.

Daughters on one side, Aria’s hand held in her own on the other. Thea with her hands on her shoulders.

Flowers and wood and her pressed Alliance suit, white hair left down, messy like she would remember it forever. Could still see it auburn in her minds eye. Could feel the texture between her fingers, on her forehead, between her thighs.

_Had leaned over her lying there surrounded by silk; just the two of them. No. Just her alone, now._

_Had sobbed, arms flung over the casket, running fingers along every inch she could reach._

_Had talked to her until the sky grew dark and she had cried all the tears she had left to give._

_Don’t leave me._

“General Shepard was-“

_No. Not to me. To me she was…_

_She was everything._

_Everything._

A large hole in the ground. A mahogany coffin, not full of stones this time.

_“I lived, and I died, and here I am. Here I rest.”_

_Everything I see when I look at the daughters we made._

“…the difference she made to the Alliance Naval Corps, to the N7 program-“

_Brave. Bold. Funny. Caring. Weak, sometimes. So human._

“Shepard, 5923-AC-2826,”

_She loved me so._

Closed her eyes against the rifle fire.

Watched Jane’s legacy throw large flowers onto that lid, one that wouldn’t magically open and show her rebuilt and so alive, not this time.

_To me she was Jane._

 

How was she to go on? Now, surrounded by friends and family, letting her grieve. The ones they hadn’t lost.

 

First her crew: Karin, and Anderson. Ashley and Vega.

 

Then Liara’s parents, peacefully and within a year of each other, as if Aethyta couldn’t bear to be without her.

 

Had watched Miranda and Jack grow frail and leave them, after so many more years than they had any right to have. Somehow they got through it.

 

The ones left flanked her in a protective bubble, but all she wanted was _her_.

_Her, here with me. Stay with me. Don’t leave me._

_Where do you think you’re going without me?_

Waking in the too-big bed the first morning after; too much room, no legs tangled in hers, no sprawling pale, freckled limbs stealing pillows and blankets. Piano quiet. Coffee not made.

A new world.

The quiet of the house.

Vastness of the couch.

Bed was cold.

_Where do you think you’re going?_

Hundreds and hundreds of years of life. Gone.

A life full of lust and anger, passion and boredom. Of love.

A life. Together.

Welcome.

_Goddess, Jane. We were just kids; we were barely adults… I knew nothing of romance…_

_A silent figure at the edge of a dusky pitch, all blue magnificence and shy eyelashes._

_A slow burn._

_A hand on the back of a neck; “I should go.”_

_A finger, brushing against her own; lightning in a bottle._

No, don’t go. Never leave me.

_Staring up at her in the snow, cold and drunk and absolutely in love._

_You’re the love of my life. Never leave my side._

How alone and lost she felt, even with them all around her; guarding, helping, healing. Missed her husky, clear voice. Her hands and feet and sideways grin.

Her eyes…

_She gave me confidence and the ability to laugh; she gave me all the years of her life…_

_She gave me two beautiful daughters._

Lana, with her N7 posters and Biotiball equipment, rock collections and violin; thinks just like her father; believes there’s good in everyone.

Charlotte – Jane called her Charli; Chuck to her friends - with her piano and cello in the corner of a fastidiously clean room. Eyes just like her mother – blue when skies were grey. But just like Jane, she never stopped, never took a day for granted, never once complained.

Chalk and cheese, their girls.

Both with shelves full of books and games and models and puzzles and…

Both so much _them_. Mirrors.

Liara loved to sit, perched on the couch with a cup of tea, and watch them learn, fiddle with instruments or get glue into the carpet.

 

_You swore._

_I will not leave until it’s time._

_I will always come back._

 

 _Just look at everything we’ve grown,_ she thought she heard…

_Our girls._

_Now grown women._

She had lived to see it all. Just like she promised.

 

A memory so clear it hurt her brain with its sharpness. Jane's hand on her taunt belly, Lana so near; a checkered blanket, a basket of food, a thermos of coffee. Jane's guitar. Their last solid moment of two. Before they became three, then four.

_Liara, unable to sleep in late-stage pregnancy grumpiness. Jane, trying, trying so hard to help. “I was going to-tonight-well, never mind. Get dressed.” Liara’s forehead crinkled and Jane just shook her head, “trust me.”_

_“Do I have time to shower Jane?”_

_Liara heard the coffee pot spluttering away when she emerged, an airy white sundress pulled over her simple, and largely unflattering, maternity underclothes. She heard Shepard rummaging around, leaving, coming back in, but knew better than to ask or help. She had that quiet glint in her eye, that nervous blush that made her look away, like she was embarrassed about whatever cryptic thing she was doing._

_She found her in the skycar, running and waiting, “get in.”_

_There had been a park, at dusk; a picnic lunch, complete with hot coffee. Her guitar; tuning it as the stars rose._

_Her hand in her own, taking her cup from her and setting it down onto the grass._

_“Liara, honey, you’re going to be the best mother. I’ve loved watching you bring my child into this world, you’re going to be so wonderful… but… well, we’re going to change.”_

_Liara smiled, “Jane, are you proposing to me again, because that’s really not how it works-“_

_“I-I-just wanted to capture one last moment of me and you… I know we’ll have more, but-“ she seemed lost for words. “They’ll be different. I want you to remember what this was. How you’ve made me whole again. How you rescued me from a life of- well, just remember that at one point it was just you and me against the world…”_

_All their memories rushed through her head as she watched her play, cross-legged and so looking young for a moment, all scabby kneed and prom-ask nervousness. It all melted away as she sang:_

_‘So here we are_

_Under a moon_

_And a sky full of stars_

_But I'm looking at you_

_We are forever_

_One perfect kiss_

_That makes us immortal_

_For a second that is’_

_Jane stepping on her toes, stumbling over her words and her feelings, rain beating down on them._

_‘16 for good_

_16 forever’_

_Flowers in hand, at her door, hand gently on her back, fingers burning against her spine._

_‘I hear you whisper_

_Soft and unreal_

_What if this was our last night_

_How would that make you feel?_

_I'll never find time_

_To return what you give_

_So it's a good day to die_

_Even better to live’_

_On her lap, so drunk and so open and honest; against the cold stone of the fireplace in what would be their first home, tears and passion in equal measure._

_‘16 for good_

_16 forever’_

_In her arms, making her feel so beautiful, so wanted, drawing emotions and sensations she had never thought she could feel. Feeling so beautiful – so incredible. Drawing it from her body. The way her pale skin looked again her own naked blue._

_‘So here we are_

_Raising a glass_

_The moon casting shadows,_

_onto the grass_

_We are forever_

_We are that light_

_We are immortal_

_We are tonight’_

_On the stage in that dive of a campus bar, so roguish with her hair in her eyes and a guitar in her lap; candles burning around them, on one knee, forever._

 

_‘16 for good_

_16 forever’_

 

Forever.

_Seeing her there, Alliance blues making her seem larger than life, her wife-to-be, hands wrung, looking at her with such awe, such love that is made her chest hurt. Beaming on her father’s arm. Waltzing on the floor, every eye on them: her eyes only on her._

_A small white stick with a blue dot; green eyes tearing, looking at her with that same awe; the start of their whole._

_Their family._

 

The sleepless nights that had faded into loud giggles and scampering feet. Breastfeeding into sliced fruit and sandwhiches with the crusts trimmed.

The gurgles into 'Mama' and 'Daddy'. The black of the meld faded into their little girl's eyes, seeing the world with wonder and laughter; first times.

Twin eyes, one set blue, one green; Liara had gotten her wish with their eldest. Their younger, their sensitive artist who had been nothing but trouble until she came out and greeted the world: had been nothing but softness since, had her summer-sky blue.  But Lana had the emerald green of her father.

_I'll always be with you. Through them. Look to them._

Always.

 

A conversation so long ago, when Charlotte had begun to walk and Lana had transitioned from barely-old enough for school to little person; _playing quietly for once on the carpet._

_Held her closer, and she had seen that longing in her eyes. That glint that screamed ‘baby.’_

_She missed the sore nipples and late nights, the soft powder smell of their nub-like crests, their constant tenement in her consciousness._ ~~~~

_“Shepard, I know. We agreed two was enough… all the trouble we had...”_

_Had turned to her, on the couch, serious as the grave:_

_“Promise me, Liara, promise me you'll go on when I'm gone-“_

_“-Jane.” Scandalized. “I know didn't do that… I know I held onto you coming back… but I know when you go again... You won't be coming back. How do I reconcile that?” She had her hands on her cheekbones, as if she was trying to memorize her._

_“Listen to me. I not planning on dying on you anytime soon - I promised you a thousand years, but I may- I mean,” she blew out a breath. “I'm Alliance, if something happens_ that _way... Let's just focus on that, okay?”_

_Liara met her with a steely glance, but nodded. “Promise me you'll fall in love again. Give our girls a good father-“_

_They both cast a glance at the giggling girls on the carpet._

_“-_ you're _their father-“_

_“-you know what I mean. I don't relish the thought of you... But, I don't want you to be alone.”_

_“I won't be. I have them. I have you in them,” Liara stood, putting distance between herself and this conversation. Jane held her hand fast. Did not want the girls to see her upset._

_“Find love, sweetheart. Let me go, this time. You have to let me go. Don't hold onto me again, except in here-“ she placed a hand on her chest, “and have another baby. Give our girls a sister, or four.” She smirked; tears were silently coming down Liara’s cheeks now._

_Liara nodded, for her sake._ Never, Shepard _, she thought._ There is no one else for me... _But she nodded. To make peace._

_“And then, when it's your time,” Jane continued, pulling her back onto her lap. “I'll find you,” next to her ear. “I promise.” Jane rose and kissed her, longer than she anticipated._

_Liara pressed her fingers to her lips. “A thousand years,” she whispered, “till the day you die.”_

_Jane didn't hear, was back to her old self, scooping Lana up by the waist and holding her upside down as she rushed around the room, raucous laughter spilling from both of them._

Never, Jane Shepard. But if it lets you sleep easier... 

_Liara knew she couldn't let her go, and as if she had read her mind she looked over, one daughter above her head, one clung onto her leg, as she stomped around the room like a monster. Smiled that smile._

Never.

Could never imagine anyone else chasing away fevers and bad dreams, long legs stuck into tiny beds.

Could never imagine anyone else in her bed; next to her, on top of her. Inside her.

Then, in that last bed, curled into her side while machines dripped and lights dimmed, smelling her, tasting her tears on her lips. Loving her.

_Take my hand. I will never leave your side._

_Stay._

Now the kids were coming home, little hands in their own now, and little lives blooming inside their wombs. So happy Shepard had lived to see them.

It had been her proudest promotion – the decoration she wore with the highest honor: Poppa.

_I’ll love you forever._

_Even if I can’t see you anymore._

_I will find my way to you._

But she had to get on. Had to somehow find a way to keep going, until she found her way back to her.

Had to let those around her fill her pantry with food and her heart with memories and feel like they could somehow help the life-shattering grief pass more quickly. Like they knew what she had lost.

No one knew.

Not even their girls.

 

Except…

 

Found Aria, silent and heartbroken, at her closet, tears streaming down her face as she clutched Jane’s shirt to her chest.

_Oh Shepard, don't you know you rescued me? Us? You're the one who always..._

Swore she felt those same strong hands now, or the ghost of them, wrap around her waist.

_No, you rescued me._

She smiled and wrapped Aria into her arms without a word, breathing in the fading scent of _her_ , their shared heart, on the shirt between them.

Fruity soap.

Mint; the gum that had replaced the cigarettes.

Of cedar.

It wafted through the air, through her heart.

_She loved us. You loved her so, I know, and so I love you…_

She heard her daughters coming up the hall; her granddaughter’s tiny feet.

“Mom?”

_A thousand years._

Impossible, but she had been right. Almost.

“I'll be right there.”

She smiled.

_Till the day you die._

**Author's Note:**

> Work contains characters and dialogue recognizable and lifted from all three Mass Effect games, and therefore those words belong to Bioware and are simply being borrowed by me to create this AU.  
> Absolutely did NOT write the lyrics or quotations. The copyright for these are as follows:
> 
> 16, Gert Bettens, Sarah Bettens Copyright: Double T Music/Sony Music Entertainment Belgium NV/SA  
> fun. The Gambler, Written by Jack Antonoff Andrew Dost  
> Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc


End file.
